


i jump off into your arms but i can't trust the fall

by quentinknockout



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-08 20:18:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18630553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quentinknockout/pseuds/quentinknockout
Summary: post TLJ.Bruised and worn post battle, Poe's taken to confiding in Finn. Finn can't help but hope for something more. But Poe, well, he's not all that experienced.Just declarations of feeling, and all that.





	i jump off into your arms but i can't trust the fall

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wolfhalls](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfhalls/gifts).



> for zo, as always, everything is for zo.  
> this is set post The Last Jedi, sorry it is not too heavy on plot and is kind of vague. i'm more of a character based person haha. i think inexperienced Poe is a real mood.  
> just was in the mood for some love declarations and bit of filth, for my ultimate ship. title is from the fall by Half Alive.

In this tiny part of the resistance, they're crowded in, together. Poe sleeps not far from Finn, within line of his eye.  
Even in the middle of the night, Finn sometimes looks over. He sees Poe, his eyes on the ceiling of the ship. He cannot sleep, either.  
And that comforts Finn, too, just a little. 

 

\--  
‘I'm annoyed you didn't finish him. He’s really ugly.’  
Poe moves in, beside Finn, passing him a hunk of bread. Poe often does this, begins a conversation with Finn as he’s just resuming something from earlier, when it’s always a brand new topic. In anyone else, it could be irritating, but in Poe, Finn finds it so hopelessly warm.  
‘Who is?’ He asks.  
‘Hux. The General. All pasty, like a nerd. Could do with some sun, somewhere.’ Poe smiles, and takes a bite. ‘You okay?’  
‘Yeah.’ Finn wants to ask if Poe is, too, after it all, because he looks worn. There is a bruise on his cheek, shadows under his eyes. He wants, very suddenly, to put his hand over his.  
‘Are you alright?’ He asks, instead.  
‘Oh, you know,’ Poe murmurs. ‘I had to… uh… Well. Admiral Holdo. The General wanted me to get a message to her… next of kin, personally. So, I mean… I did.’  
He is looking at his fistful of bread.  
Finn knows.  
Some days, it's like else in the resistance sees Poe with clarity and confidence. But since they’ve met, it seems it’s Finn who hears another side. It is Finn, and Finn alone, who gets to hear what Poe really thinks. What Poe has seen, what Poe didn’t think was fair, what mistakes might have been made.  
Since Finn tore him out of captivity, at great risk, Poe trusts him. Finn hopes that doesn't change. 

And maybe, just maybe, he likes his company. He hopes. 

‘So...' Finn pulls himself back to the conversation. He thinks of Admiral Holdo, her precision, her sacrifice. 'How was it?’ He asks, careful.  
‘It wasn’t…’ Poe’s mouth is set. ‘It wasn’t great. I mean, she had a wife, you know.’  
‘Oh.’  
‘No, I don’t think anybody really knew. Apart from General Organa. Her wife…the Admiral’s wife… her name’s Loren…she was pretty distraught. They used to have a farm together – they left it, when the resistance started up in earnest.’  
He continues to look down, at this rancid bread, anywhere but Finn.  
Finn sees it, the mist of one eye, then the other.  
‘I just think.. I wasn’t very fair to her. Admiral Holdo, I mean. I didn’t really get it. I was a bit… reckless. I mean-‘ he laughs, quick and dry. ‘Like, I didn’t even know her first name.’  
‘What was it?’  
‘Amilyn.’ Poe mumbles. ‘Her wife told me.. well they seemed...They were happy.’  
They sit there, for a little while. There is chatter, away, in the corner of the hull. People are stirring.  
‘I wasn’t kind enough,’ Poe says, clearing his throat. ‘I mean, I just gotta wonder. If all this is over, and things don’t go well for me… whether anyone’s gonna miss me like that.’  
His watch clicks, an alarm, time to take watch, but whatever it is, it takes Poe right out of it.  
He looks up, his eyes suddenly full of shame, and apology.  
‘I gotta go.’  
Finn watches him dash, shoulders rigid again.  
No time for reassurance. 

\- -  
Later, Finn finds Rey, secreted in a corner, taking some sort of communication device apart on the floor, armed with nothing but a pin from her hair and what looks like chewing gum.  
‘What are you doing?’ He chuckles. She grins.  
‘Oh, I thought if I jammed the signal… rerouted it… we could have something interesting.’  
‘I think you might be a genius.’  
‘No chance. Why are you creeping about? You look so tired.’  
‘I’m alright,’ Finn says, but the truth is, he is exhausted.  
Rey frowns, like she doesn’t believe him, and gets back to business.  
‘Poe gave this to me,’ she points at the disassembled parts, like a proud child showing a fingerpainting. ‘He said it could be useful. Said he noticed I was a bit handy. That was very kind of him.’  
Finn thinks of Poe, who trusts him, whose warmth is always so easy. ‘He is very kind.’  
‘And good looking,’ Rey chirps.  
He looks at her, and she is smiling. She finds a screwdriver on the shelf, turns around again. She senses Finn’s blank look too, and continues, concentrating on her work.  
‘He’s always asking me about you,’ she says. ‘Thinks the world of you, I think.’  
‘Right,’ Finn replies, quietly.  
He wants to say, I think the same of him, but does not.  
‘Can you explain exactly what’s interesting… here?’ He says, instead, pointing at the mess of mechanics.  
Rey’s smile widens. 

\- -  
Later, he finds Poe, in another part of the ship, where they're holding strategy meetings. Poe sometimes stays down there, trying to get signals, and messages.  
It’s still quite early, and he hopes he’ll still be awake.  
‘Who is it?’ Poe’s voice is guarded, at the tap on the door.  
‘Me.’  
When the door opens, Poe is smiling. He’s half out of his orange jumpsuit, tied around his waist, a navy undershirt underneath. His hair is tousled, and Finn thinks how beautiful he is.  
He's thought that, quite a bit, since they met, but it always seems a terrible observation to make in the middle of gunfire, in the middle of battlefields. But it’s these quieter moments where it feels safer to think it. It feels safer to seek out his company, talk to him, unhurried.  
‘Need a night cap? Did someone tell you about my whiskey?’  
‘Nah,’ Finn walks in, at the invitation. Poe takes clothes and shoes off the second chair in the room. There's a makeshift bed in the corner. There is no regimental neatness here, and Finn likes that. He likes how quickly Poe makes space for him. He likes, quietly, how it means a second person is never there. 

‘Oh,’ Poe says, softly, indicating the chair. ‘Do you need me – or –‘  
‘I mean, I’ve been thinking about what you said.’ Finn clears his throat. ‘About how nobody will miss you.’  
‘I mean, sorry about that, I was in a bit of a bad space-‘  
‘I came to say that I would miss you.’  
Poe blinks, opens his mouth, just a little.  
‘I mean, if anything happened to you. And this.. whole resistance.. this war.. I don’t know if it’ll end anytime soon. So I wanted to tell you. I’d miss you, because you’ve always been very kind to me. And that’s worth you knowing.’  
He doesn’t stop, even though Poe seems to be getting smaller and smaller, ‘Being kind isn’t so easy, but you make it look so easy. To everyone. To Rey, too, and she’s only known you a few weeks – so-‘  
‘Finn,’ Poe interrupts, clearly, and his eyes are shining, in earnest now. ‘I love you.’  
And that’s what makes Finn stop, suddenly.  
‘Oh, I know,’ Poe stumbles. ‘It’s been a stupid thing for a while, now, since I met you – I mean – that all means a lot, is what I’m saying.’  
Finn sits there, quietly, for a second. He doesn’t have to think too hard about his next move, but Poe’s anxiety is growing, so he does the honest thing and moves over to kiss him.  
Poe’s chin has the scratch of stubble, and he opens his mouth, gently, uncertainly, as Finn tilts his face towards his. They stay joined like that, for a while, until Finn’s hand moves up to Poe’s hair, finds the shape of the curls there.  
‘I didn’t...’ Poe says, quietly, after a few minutes, ‘I didn’t think you might feel the same.’  
‘Oh, yeah. Very easily.’  
Poe’s gaze flickers to the bed, unmade, and Finn sees the glimmer of it. It’s hesitation.  
‘You tired?’ He asks, carefully.  
‘I’m… I don’t do this a lot,’ Poe mumbles, and his cheeks turn a little crimson. ‘Like people. Date people. Really, any of it.’  
‘None of that matters,’ Finn says, quietly. ‘What I’m wondering is, do you mind if I crash?’  
It's the safety of it, he decides, fifteen minutes later, when Poe’s head is resting on his chest, and he can feel the rise and fall of his ribs underneath his fingertips. It’s continuing on as normal, even if the world around you is going to pieces. That’s why Admiral Holdo was married, with a farm. It’s why Rey needs to take things apart, just so she can put them back together again.  
Safety. And kindness where you can find it.  
\------ 

 

\- - -  
That next morning, there’s a breakthrough. Someone smuggles communications over to the next system, where there’s resistance fighters in hundreds. They move, carefully, until they’ve joined with a bigger fleet, over the next few days. There’s hundreds of them again, and growing steadier. Finn’s skill is drawn upon, his knowledge, his assurance, and when he is explaining something to General Organa or anyone higher ranking, he can often feel Poe’s eyes on him.  
In these spare few days, there is not enough time.  
They go some time without a minute alone, and not with anyone.  
But there’s a break, suddenly, as they leave one night in stealth. A quiet, steady sort of hum. There's safety, here.  
And room for time alone. 

Over breakfast, in the canteen, Poe’s proximity is incrementally closer. He is casual, as they usually would be, but there is a brightness to him, an animation.  
Finn knows that’s just for him.  
When it’s just them at the table, Poe leans in, a little further. His knee touches the inside of his. It is the first hint of contact in days, and Finn realises he is starving.  
‘I’m not…’ Poe starts, and Finn is surprised to see him blushing. ‘I mean. I haven’t dated a lot. It’s just been –‘ he indicates the space around them, and Finn knows what he means, organised rebellion. ‘Just been this, a while.’  
‘That doesn’t matter,’ Finn says, and he knows it doesn’t. He’s not inexperienced himself, he’s notched up enough fumbles on distant planets to take care of that.  
But that doesn’t matter.  
‘I got moved. New quarters. Would you come over, tonight?’ Poe asks, quietly, and his voice is low, meaning he’s thought about it, and knows what he wants, now that there’s time, just like Finn has. Finn has thought about Poe more ways that he would care to tell.  
He's just never really, well, gone to bed with someone he already loved before. And he doesn’t want to disappoint Poe in any way, never has, not since he met his eye for the first time.  
So he leans over, collects Poe’s hand in his very briefly.  
‘I’ll come by. At about nine.’ 

\- -  
Never has a day been longer. He can’t even waste time with Rey, whose burgeoning Force abilities mean General Organa seeks a lot of her counsel and assistance. When he goes to Rose’s quarters, her door is firmly shut, no sign of life.  
He wants to talk again, just to someone, someone else who feels thrown in the deep end. He still isn’t sure what it all means.  
He extends his meal breaks, catches sight of Poe laughing in the corner with another soldier, feels a warmth spread near his heart.  
Nine o’clock comes soon enough.  
\---  
He taps, quietly on the door, and Poe admits him. He’s in his shirtsleeves, his gaze golden and warm as it travels over Finn.  
‘Hi…’ he says, softly, and leans in to him, leans up for a kiss.  
And Finn cannot help himself.  
He kisses him, hot, and gentle, drinks in the scent of him. Poe sighs, softly, against his mouth, and leads him back to the bed. Finn notices how it’s been made, how the room is neat and ordered, because Poe was expecting company.  
But Poe, now, the Poe before him, is clutching at his collar with a desperate need, a want he hasn’t yet articulated.  
So Finn decides to ask him.  
‘Hey, hey,’ he says, gently, and his hand comes to rest at the small of Poe’s back, gathering him close. ‘No race.’  
‘But I-‘ Poe mutters against him, and he seems, suddenly flustered. ‘Sorry. I don’t… Like I said.. I don’t…um… you know… much.’  
‘That doesn’t matter, sweetheart.’ As Finn says it, he passes a hand through that hair again, so beautiful and dark. He isn’t sure how pet names go, but he’s always wanted to use one, especially for Poe, whose look of relief now means he made the right choice. ‘Look. Just let me know what you…what you’ve thought about.’  
‘I wanted…’ Poe licks his lips, swallows. The blush is creeping up his face, again, and Finn feels himself yearning, desperately and suddenly. ‘I wanted you…to have me… to be…’  
Finn knows what he means. Because he wants that, Poe beneath him, eyes closed, his breath fast, coming undone, begging and desperate. He can’t dwell too long on that fantasy without putting it into practice.  
‘Okay,’ he says, quietly, ‘come here.’  
He keeps kissing him, hot and deeper now, and he’s found the buttons on Poe’s shirt, and his own.  
‘Can you tell me what to do?’ Poe whispers, and this is not a matter of practicality, Finn sees it in his eyes, the unmistakable lust, how badly he wants that.  
‘Sure,’ he murmurs back, and he reaches down, and takes hold of his cock.  
Poe cries out against his neck, almost instantly, sensitive, and Finn wonders just how long it’s been for him. If at all.  
So he takes it, if possible, even slower.  
The rest of that pesky clothing has to go, and it does, and Finn passes a hand, gently, over the plane of Poe’s stomach, as they lie down together.  
‘You’re really beautiful,’ he says, as Poe shudders at the touch, ‘did you get told that much?’  
‘Not really. They didn’t hire me for my looks… oh…’ The wisecrack dies on his lips, as Finn touches him again. Poe reaches over for the bedside table, finds a bottle of lube, passes it to Finn.  
‘Thought you said you didn’t do this very often.’  
‘I don’t,’ Poe says, breathlessly, and his face is even redder now. ‘That’s just for… well, just for me.’  
‘Is that why your aim is so good?’  
‘Shut up,’ Poe is trying not to laugh. ‘Please, Finn, would you-ah-‘  
Finn touches him again, delicately now, hinting at his entrance. Poe writhes at his touch, and Finn extends it, working him open a little further, til Poe is breathless.  
‘Oh, please,’ he whispers, and Finn, so hard now, takes pleasure in how his voice is already hoarse. ‘Finn, would you…’  
Finn leans up, kisses him again, plants his lips on Poe’s collarbone. He shifts him, so they’re both comfortable, and Poe’s gaze is hot and heavy lidded.  
There is no way, Finn thinks, that either of them will last.  
‘I’m going slow,’ he says, quietly, ‘just, very slowly.’  
He eases into him, carefully, the hot tightness around him, and Poe cries out, hotly, in his ear. Finn eases in, a little more, and Poe groans again.  
‘Oh,’ he hisses, ‘Finn…’  
‘You okay?’  
‘Move. You’ve got to – oh…’  
Finn rocks his hips, drives into him, just a little. Poe pulls him down, desperately, for another kiss, and they stay linked like that, with Poe’s breathing fast in his ear.  
‘Finn – I’m…’ the words almost choke out of Poe, like a sob, and Finn knows what he means, and takes Poe in his hand, palming him, working him in time, and Poe looks so beautiful, his mouth open and wet, and he blinks back tears as he meets Finn’s eyes, and Finn feels it, the rush building within him. He drives into him, a little harder, and Poe moans louder, and Finn realises he doesn’t really care if anyone else hears them. Right now, Poe is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, chest gleaming, beads of sweat on his forehead.  
‘Finn,’ Poe whispers, broken, and he is there first, already, buckling just a little as he comes, slicking them both. Finn swears, rocks his hips one more time, and moves to pull out, but Poe draws him nearer for the embrace, and he finishes, too, and Poe’s thighs lock around him as he does. His mouth finds Poe’s throat, and he rests there, heart beat thudding and dazed. Against his chest, he feels Poe still trembling.  
‘Oh,’ Poe says, and his voice is barely there. ‘Oh…’  
They wait like that for a minute, tangled, before Finn grabs a towel from Poe’s bathroom to clean them off. Poe watches him, almost a little out of it, his body slack.  
‘Come here,’ Finn murmurs, when he’s done, and holds Poe close, to his chest. ‘Was that alright?’  
‘Alright? God, I forgot what I’d been missing. Or maybe never knew.’  
‘It’s all right. It’s always good to find out.’  
‘You’re good,’ Poe says, dreamily. ‘Will you stay?’  
‘Yeah,’ Finn settles back into the bed, and realises this is what he’d craved. The intimate afterwards, how Poe is holding tight like he could leave the bed again at any second, how he looks at him, now, and sees it in his eyes. Where it was need before, the love remains.  
And realises he hasn’t said it.  
‘I love you. Have a long while.’  
‘Well, we haven’t known each other that long.’  
‘Feels longer. Like a lifetime.’  
‘War’s a bit-’ Poe blinks, sadly. ‘War’s a bit like that.’ His mouth finds Finn’s again. ‘I love you too. Thankyou.’  
Thankyou. Finn couldn’t say anyone had told him that after before. But he liked it.  
‘You don’t mind if anyone sees you?’ Poe asks, suddenly anxious. ‘Leaving mine, in the morning?’  
Finn remembers now, how Poe has no idea. He is a fascinatingly brilliant pilot, but has no idea he is astonishingly beautiful.  
‘Did they not have mirrors on Yavin 4?’ He asks, chuckling.  
‘What?’  
‘Well, I mean. I’d never be embarrassed to be seen leaving your quarters. Ever. I’ll go out with my head held high.’  
‘Alright,’ Poe laughs. ‘Jeez, you are smooth. I wish I’d asked earlier.’  
‘Well,’ Finn kisses him again, ‘there’s no time like the present.’  
But the room is hot and close, and they are warm in each other’s arms, and there is no easier way to sleep sometimes.  
And Finn sleeps that night better than ever. 

\----


End file.
